A Touch of Cloth is an all-encompassing parody of every police procedural ever written. The spoof movie for Sky 1HD is based on a story by Boris Starling (Messiah). The screenplay was written by Charlie Brooker (Dead Set) and Daniel Maier (Harry Hill's TV Burp), with Ben Caudell, Peter Holmes, Jason Hazeley and Joel Morris.
It stars John Hannah (The Mummy, Spartacus) as DCI Jack Cloth - a maverick, heavy drinking loner who has thrown himself into his work following the mysterious death of his wife. The damaged, haunted Cloth is teamed with plucky no-nonsense sidekick DC Anne Oldman, played by Suranne Jones (Coronation Street, Unforgiven). Together the pair investigate a series of increasingly grisly murders and find themselves on the trail of a devious killer. As you do. If you're a detective.
The case leads Cloth and Oldman from leafy forests to sinister lock-ups, from the luxury home of an arrogant TV chef to the cold dissection rooms of vampish forensic pathologist Natasha Sachet (Daisy Beaumont), packing in as many jokes as humanly possible along the way. Their boss, A.C.C. Tom Boss, played by Julian Rhind-Tutt (Green Wing, The Hour) repeatedly demands results, fast. No, faster than that. Faster! Slow down. Not that much. Hold it there. Yeah, precisely that fast.